Everyone has their own motivation to push forth in times of difficulty. Unfortunately, it takes every bit of me to stay on task and finish what needs to be done when it comes to school. My motivation? Failure. Strange, I know. My previous failure in college is what makes me push on. Although I attended a 4-year university for two full-time years, I only passed (C or higher) about 18 credits. All 12 credits of my first semester were B's and C's. The next semester I got my first D in college and it was downhill from there.
I don't think I've ever admitted my extreme academic failure publicly. I had to quit a job that kept me out of trouble because I was on academic probation for the second semester. That next semester, I dropped out. Left to pay for thousands of dollars in student loans on a minimum wage job. A mediocre position in a company with minimal opportunity for promotion. Luckily, I got a promotion. Nothing as exciting as I thought.
More responsibility with an unequal amount of pay for it. I held my head up, I was fed up, but I had to survive. I knew that each moment was so precious but it was hard to cherish them when I was such a failure and disappointment to myself. I physically couldn't look into the mirror. I was a hard worker but I never amounted to much, even at work. Passion was something that was not inside of me.
Although I was fed up with my life, I didn't it to pass me by. Luckily, I had a lot of smart women that I worked with who constantly reminded me to take opportunity and education seriously at my age. "Go back to school," they would tell me, "You'll regret it, if you don't." They were right. I had to keep my eye on the prize. The prize of finishing. The prize of accomplishing something. For myself.
Failing school has taught me that, although school has never been easy for me, it is possible. I have to take it upon myself to learn and be educated. Just sitting in a classroom, taking notes, and answering a few questions is not getting an education. You have to be involved. Think about things after the bell rings and everyone goes home. Apply it to life. Apply it in every situation I can.Due to my new mindset about school, I've accomplished being a student speaker for a ethnic/diversity class, receive my first college A, and set goals that I actually accomplished. I have to finish school this time. I don't have another option. I've tried the working world of the minimum wage and I can't survive. I want to look in the mirror in my older adult hood and say, "I'm glad I did this. I'm glad I went back."
I want to say Thank You to the three women who pushed me and encouraged me to go back to school and give it my all. Michelle, Dawn, and Christine. You've helped me more than you'll ever know. I owe you.
