Searching for a Serendipitous Encounter

Over the last month, my INFJ personality type has been overloaded with contemplation's of path direction, religious enlightenment, and even political standing.  I am desperately craving freedom.  Freedom from technology (as I turn to a computer to type out my feelings :-/ ).  Freedom from people (as I share this with strangers).  Freedom from comfort.  Freedom from major life choices.

 I find the experience of being out of my element deeply enriching and truly inspiring.  It also makes me thoroughly appreciate everything I leave behind.  I am nearing the beginning of an epic and challenging chapter (completely a degree), and I find myself in unique, and serendipitous circumstances (there more where that big word came from).  I wish I were in the position to put things here on hold for a bit, relocate my life temporarily to a place most known for "finding yourself".  Bali.  Most people would dream of the watery terrain or the smell of Balinese food, but I've read two books and numerous blogs about travels there.  It feels right.  Too bad it's nothing more than a distant getaway dream.

It may just be the antsy feelings of being in my early twenties that makes me want to pack a bag and move across the country for a couple of months and I'm perfectly fine with that.  There is a part of me that is willing to substitute trust for uncertainty.  I want to be able to say, "Honestly, I don't know where I will be in six months."  It's a safe time in my life to do this but there is always something that hold us back from jumping off the cliff.  Mine?  The very things that I desperately want to escape from and come back with answers for, are the gravitational pull that keeps me from buying a one-way ticket.

As explained many times in this blog, almost as if rewriting it will make it seem more likely to occur, I believe I have found something I'd be good at.  That's it though.  Just that.  The amount of passion I see in the people around me, who are in their fields of focus appear more passionate and enlightened than I feel.  Although I want to believe that I am making the right choices for a future career path, I'm not always so confident.  Most days I have my reservations about the path I have chosen and the one I know I want but don't have the means to get there.  Whoever said, "If there is a will, there's a way," clearly never had much of a life before that.  

Everyday I find myself indulging in some sort of nature documentary or losing myself in the words of an environmentalist blog, but I know that I'm too far away from the ocean to work with the animals I so desperately care to keep from endangerment.  Is my passion for the environment and nature just a love?  Or could it be something more?  Finding the answer to that question is harder than just exploration.  I would need to move.  I would need to get serious about schooling, enough so to complete a 4-year degree, and then some.  Money.  Enough said about that.


All in all, I'm encountering a plateau in my life.  23 years old and I haven't got a clue what the hell I'm doing here (Earth).  Purpose driven?  I've read that book, twice.  Still nothing.  As I sip on my third glass of wine, I realize this could just be the alcohol flowing instead of creative juices but either way, this is where I release it.  I hope that someone, somewhere, will understand this crossroads I'm in and lend a hand, word, or prayer.  Oh, to be young.